


Life Goes On

by thelesterfam (phananddragonsfics)



Series: It Happens [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Established Relationship, Fluff, High School, M/M, sick!Dan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-02-18 02:58:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13090989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phananddragonsfics/pseuds/thelesterfam
Summary: A collection of one-shots that take place after "It Happens"





	1. under a velvet sky

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas Eve and Happy Holidays! As a Christmas gift (lol actually just convenient timing on my part), here is the start of the one-shot collection for what happens after "It Happens"!
> 
> A lot of you guys have been asking me if I'm ever going to be doing a sequel. Well, I guess you can say that this here is the sequel lol. I never planned on doing a full blown-out multi-shot sequel, but I imagined doing things like this: lil one-shots that take place after the fic! 
> 
> The fics will, of course, as it is a one-shot collection, will be kind of out-of-order and whatever, but I'll post a lil summary here in the notes before with a quick summary of what it's about and warnings in case there are any :)
> 
> So, without further ado, here is the first one-shot! I hope you all enjoy! (And feel free to submit ideas for one-shots via my ask box on tumblr! my user is the same as here, phananddragonsfics :D)
> 
> \-----------------------
> 
> Summary: Underneath a moonlit sky, Dan and Phil reminisce about the first time they went stargazing together. (Requested by anon on tumblr)

Summer camping was something Dan never thought he would ever be able to do.

Sitting under the velvet sky with the twinkling of stars scattered around, arms’ length between them to the naked eye, but in all reality, they’re thousands of kilometers apart up there in the endless abyss of space, not even a part of their solar system. All a part of different areas of space that Dan knows nothing about.

It’s beautiful and terrifying all at the same time to just lie on the soft grass out in the middle of nowhere and stare into the sky, watching the stars dance in their places, allowing their light to shine on the earth below.

It’s beautiful because, obviously, they’re stars and they’re gorgeous and lovely to look at constantly and whatever, but it’s scary to think about what more is out there – how the stars are a part of such an endless universe. Galaxies upon galaxies, just endlessly expanding and moving and it’s almost too much for Dan to fully wrap his head around, but he loves it all anyway.

He loves it and is scared of it all at the same time.

Just like he is with a lot of things in life.

But that’s all for another time.

The fire is crackling, little red and orange sparks shooting up from the flames, soon fading into the sky above them. Blankets are laid out atop the grass, and Dan has his head laid atop his boyfriend’s shoulder, a thin blanket shared between them, wrapped around them comfortably.

Their friends are all around them, eating roasted marshmallows and drinking water from the cooler over where their tents are. Chatter clouds the sounds of crickets chirping in the distance, sounds of laughter and stories of things that have happened since the summer holiday began.

They’re on a camping site that Caspar’s aunt and uncle own, just a little outside of Manchester. They are letting Caspar and his group of friends spend the weekend in one of the lodges, so they’re here for tonight and tomorrow, staying in little cabins in the wilderness together.  

School has just gotten out for the summer, and everyone is going to be busy working, revising, preparing for university, spending time with family, and Dan is, of course, going to be having treatments and has the high possibility of having a kind of bone marrow transplant towards the middle of holiday, but that’s something Dan isn’t wanting to think about right now.

It’s something that comes up in every single one of his appointments, so it’s not something he wants to think about when he’s meant to be having a relaxing time with his friends.

Dan’s hand is placed comfortably over Phil’s thigh, and Phil’s hand is resting over his, his thumb rubbing small circles onto the soft skin beside his thumb. They’re not really listening to much of the conversations going on – they’re more off on their own world, keeping to themselves.

Their friends laughed a little when the whole group went out to sit out at the campfire, and Dan and Phil instantly sat as close as they could together, snatching one blanket for themselves. Joe had made some comment along the lines of “you two are together 24/7; how the hell do you guys not get tired of each other?”

Dan and Phil had just laughed it off. Yes, most of their time is meant with each other, especially now that school is out for summer holiday, but it’s not like they get tired of each other, of course; they love being with each other and just being in each other’s presence. Obviously, they’re together, so of course they want to spend a lot of their time with each other. It’s not weird to them just how much time they spend together.

Their friends are just messing with them, anyhow. It’s what they always do with them. Anything related to Dan and Phil’s relationship, their friends like to joke around about. Dan and Phil are definitely used to it by now.

Dan sighs a sigh of relief and turns his head towards the stars. He looks at them briefly before closing his eyes, resting his nose against Phil’s neck. Phil smiles down at him, kisses Dan’s hairline, and then turns his head back towards the fire, smiling to himself.

Their friends are laughing and cackling, hitting each other playfully and making jokes about one another, but Dan and Phil are just together, sitting in silence while off in their own world. Their own world that’s galaxies away from where their friends are.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Phil looks down at Dan and grins. “Seems like a particularly nice night for stargazing, huh?” he whispers, his voice lower than it is when they’re with their friends.

When they are with them, Phil’s voice is pitched ever-so-slightly higher and is far louder, but when it’s just the two of them, his voice drops to a low, comfortable volume, as if Phil doesn’t want anyone else around them to know what they’re speaking about, whether it be how much he loves Dan or why he thinks he should’ve won at their game of _Monopoly._

Dan takes a quick glance up at the sky. It’s clear, not a cloud in sight. The stars are twinkling their vibrant shine, and the moon is hidden somewhere among the trees. His eyes brighten as he turns his head down to look back at Phil, and he nods his head silently.

They sit in the quiet of their world for a few more minutes, just relaxing comfortably together. Dan, every few seconds, turns his head towards the sky to stare into the stars. He’ll smile to himself when he sees constellations that he recognizes the names of from his Wikipedia odysseys that he would go on while stuck in hospital.

He really needs to stop bringing up hospital – which leads him to start thinking of the probability of bone marrow transplant – otherwise he’s going to go crazy.

Dan nudges Phil with his elbow lightly. Phil turns his attention back to Dan. Dan gestures with his head over to a vacant part of the site. “Wanna get away for a bit?” he asks.

Phil smiles, and, without feeling the need to ask why, nods his head in agreement. He and Dan get up from their spot at the same time, and they tighten their blanket tighter around each other. Phil wraps an arm around Dan’s waist and leads him away from the spot they had been sitting at.

As they start walking off, they hear their friends abruptly stop their conversations, probably confused as to why Dan and Phil were leaving unannounced. Dan’s face turns bright pink when he hears Caspar say (somewhat loudly) “of course they’re leaving us so they can go fuck”.

Dan shakes his head. Phil gives him a confused look, as he had seen him out of the corner of his eyes. Dan grins up at him and sticks his tongue out playfully at him. Phil snickers at him and presses a small kiss to Dan’s nose, which Dan jokingly scrunches up afterwards.

They walk over to a different spot just a little bit away from where their friends are. They sit down next to each other on the grass, their thighs pressed against each other’s. Dan rests his head against Phil’s shoulder, just like before when they were by the campfire.

Phil leans his lips down and presses them into Dan’s hair, allowing them to linger there. “You feeling okay?” he asks Dan quietly. “Everything alright?”

Dan nods his head. “Just wanted to get away for a little bit, you know?” He shrugs his shoulders before turning his eyes to the sky. “See the stars without having to block out Joe talking about the thousandth date he’s been on since summer started.”

Phil laughs at that. “Of course,” he says. “Or hearing Zoe and Alfie gush about how much they love each other.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “Ew. Romance. So gross.” He looks over at Phil and smirks.

“The worst thing,” Phil tells him, now taking his turn to stick his tongue out at Dan. They smile at each other for a few brief moments before leaning in to give each other a quick kiss on the lips.

Dan hums. “You know that first time we went stargazing?” he asks, looking up at the moon, which was almost directly above them. A slight breeze passes by them, which makes Dan scoot even closer, if at all possible, to Phil.

“Yeah, where you made me steal Martyn’s car?”

Dan chuckles. “Shut up – you wanted to do it.”

“Never said I didn’t want to.”

Dan takes the opportunity to hit Phil lightly on the shoulder. “No, but like…we were, like, such idiots and shit-“

“We still are.”

“-for fuck’s sake, will you let me finish a sentence – and we were, like, dropping hints to each other but neither of us were getting them, and we were just…like…I don’t know, just talking for hours about everything and just being together and shit.” Dan pauses for a few moments. “I mean, we still do the talking for hours and being together stuff.”

“But it was…like, the beginnings and everything,” Phil says. “Like…I don’t know, I guess it’s when I was starting to think about…like…my feelings about you and everything a lot more.”

Dan nods his head. He glances down at the ground, seeing a little firefly attach itself to a spear of long grass. His eyes brighten up, and he feels this warmth settle in his chest. “I still think about that night a lot.”

“You do?” Phil asks, almost sounding surprised.

Dan looks up at him and nods.

He really does. It had definitely been a night of growth and development for them in their relationship. They had shared a lot with each other – things that they didn’t think really think twice about sharing. It just… _happened_.

And it had just been beautiful. It had been the perfect night. The whole reason they had gone was because Dan found that it was going to be an ideal night for stargazing, but also because, of course, it was an excuse to be with Phil in some way. Because…of course, that’s what he was trying to do that whole time: find ways to just be with Phil.

There was that connection they had, where it felt like they were on the same brainwave. They thought the same in a lot of ways, and they understood each other. That was revealed a lot that night to Dan – just how connected they were.

“I do, too,” Phil adds after Dan nods.  

There’s a little flicker in his chest that Dan can’t quite describe, but he tries not to show any outward sign of it. “What do you think about?” he questions, turning his head to the side a little bit.

A little splatter of pink shows up on Phil’s cheeks. He bites his bottom lip briefly as he looks over Dan’s face, as if taking the time to try and sort out the words in his head. “How beautiful you looked that night. How amazing and perfect it would’ve been if I were to have just kissed you that night.”

Dan smiles widely and tucks his head tightly into the alcove of Phil’s neck, his face burning with the fiery blush that has suddenly appeared on his face. He reaches over blindly to clasp Phil’s hand, intertwining their fingers and shaking it loosely. “For fuck’s sake…”

“It’s true!” Phil exclaims, tightening their grip.

“You know exactly what to say to make me blush like a fucking maniac,” Dan replies, his voice muffled from the soft skin of Phil’s neck.

“I’m just being honest,” Phil says, kissing Dan’s ear lightly.

Dan grins like an idiot and lifts his eyes up to look at Phil. “Well, it’s a good thing that I feel the same way.” He lifts their intertwined hands and kisses the back of Phil’s. He snickers only a few seconds afterwards. “We’re such lovestruck dorks.”

Phil shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”

“Of course not.”

He leans up and kisses Phil’s lips for the second time tonight, and they smile at each other afterwards. “Love you,” Dan mumbles.

“Love you more,” Phil responds without a moment’s hesitation.

Just as they’re about to lean in to kiss again, the sound of someone clearing their throat interrupts them. Dan and Phil are quick to turn their heads around towards the direction they came from, finding Louise standing there with her hands on her hips.

“Okay, enough sappy conversations, you ditchers – come back with the group if you want to at least have a chance of getting any of the snacks Caspar’s aunt just brought out,” she tells them. Without even waiting for a response from them, she turns on her heel and walks away, shouting at the group that they owe her five pounds.

Dan and Phil laugh quietly to themselves before turning to look at each other in the eyes briefly.

“Shall we?” Phil asks.

Dan is tempted to say that they should just stay there underneath the starlit sky away from any other conversation just so they can be with each other, just like that night last year, except ever-so-slightly different, in that they aren’t idiots who don’t recognize the blatant signs of affection.

But just being together, talking about nothing-in-particular, and just being under the stars and the moon.

But this trip was, of course, meant to be a bonding trip with friends, so it’s only right that they go and at least halfway participate in the conversations and antics that they end up getting into (or that Joe and Caspar drag them into, in all honesty).

And, of course, they’ll have all night to be with each other once everyone heads to bed.

So, he nods his head.

“We shall.”


	2. it's gotta be now (or i'll lose forever)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first of two fics that are really important to the timeline after "it happens"! :D in case you didn't see on my tumblr (@phananddragonsfics #shamelessselfpromo), there are two fics that i'll be posting this week that are pretty important to the timeline, and this is the first of them! so probably friday, there will be another fic for this going up, and then we'll get into some fluffy phan and other stuff.
> 
> Anyway...here is this fic!
> 
> \----------------------------
> 
> Summary: Dan has just recently finished his second cycle of chemo when his doctor informs him that there is a procedure they can do that could potentially put an end to Dan’s AML, but it’ll be difficult for Dan to go through. Is it a risk he is willing to take in order to put an end to this life-threatening condition he has? / AKA the story of Dan’s Bone Marrow Transplant. 
> 
> Warnings: swearing, hospitals, mentions of being sick/vomiting, mentions of medical procedures, implications of sex
> 
> title comes from "Fillip" by Muse

It has been a little less than a month since Dan finished his second cycle of chemotherapy. It had been improving his white blood cell count from what Dan understood by what his doctor told him.

And, luckily, Dan had definitely been feeling better after getting chemo this second time around (it might have something to do with the fact that it only took one try to find a good chemo for Dan’s condition), and also with taking the medications afterwards, he was not feeling as sick as often. But obviously and rather unfortunately, the cancer was still in his body and desperately needed to be taken care of.

So, after his second cycle of chemo, during the break after the intensive treatments so Dan could just have his regular medications and check-ups (and actually feel somewhat like a normal human being, minus the doctors and medications like mentioned previously), his doctor and other blood cancer specialists were going to decide whether or not they were going to start a third cycle of chemo, or if they were going to try something else that might work to speed the process of recover up.

See, normally someone with Dan’s condition, they would go through four cycles of chemo, or someone of Dan’s age might only need three. However, because it took them so long to get through Dan’s first cycle, a third cycle might take too long. So, they are looking into alternative treatments that might get rid of this cancer in a shorter amount of time.  

And today, Dan’s positive they’re finally going to be telling Dan what his next step in his remission induction is going to be.

He just hopes this doesn’t take long, because Phil told him earlier that day during school that Kath had baked some treats the night before, and Dan definitely wants to partake before everyone else takes them before him (because Lord knows that when Phil learns that there are treats around, he will go absolutely crazy trying to find them).

After a quick physical check-up (he’d gained a bit of the weight he lost from chemo and then some– he thanks Kath and his grandma for that because he definitely needed to put on some weight – his heart-rate and blood pressure was as expected, and his lungs were fine as well, so he was doing fairly well), his doctor came in to the exam room with his clipboard and a not-quite smile.

“So, we’ve been talking it over,” he says, “and we’ve been looking at the blood samples we got from you shortly after we stopped your second cycle, and unfortunately we’ve run into a bit of an issue.”

“What issue?” Dan’s mum asks. She had been on her phone up until this point reading emails from her co-workers. She’s in the uncomfortable-looking chair in the corner of the room right beside the tap and drawers filled with medical supplies.

The doctor sighs and flips to another page in his clipboard, looking at various charts with numbers messily written all over the page. “Well, we are unfortunately still at a low number of blood cells, and blasts are still multiplying but not forming into adult cells.”

“So the chemo didn’t work as well as we would’ve hoped?” his mum questions, crossing her arms over her chest.

The doctor shakes his head. “It helped raise numbers of blood cells slightly, of course, and it has certainly helped Daniel feel better, as he told us he’s been feeling a lot better, but the problem with the blood cell count is still occurring.” He clears his throat and sets the clipboard down on the counter. “So, as you know, me and a few of my colleagues have been talking over what we think we should do in regards to Daniel’s next treatment, and we think we have an idea for what we can do to help with the process: we can do a bone marrow transplant.”

Dan furrows his eyebrows. A _bone marrow transplant_? What the hell did that mean? If he ended up getting this transplant, what did that entail? Was it a surgery? Would he have to be put under? He’s never had that happen to him before, and he’s heard horror stories of people not waking up afterwards or of people waking up during it and feeling everything that was happening to him, and dear God he needs to lie down.

“What does that mean?” his mum asks luckily, since Dan can’t seem to form the words for himself now.

“Well, a bone marrow transplant isn’t as dramatic or life-changing as it might seem,” the doctor explains. “What’ll happen is we’ll probably do, if your blood-cell count remains low over the next few days, is find a donor of some kind who has the same HLA type as you, Daniel, which are proteins that regulate your immune system.

“Once we find a donor,” he continues, “we’ll do a bit more chemo just to help prepare your body for the transplant, and we’ll start that at some time very close before the actual day of transplant. We’ll also have to put a central line catheter in either your chest or your neck, and then on the actual day of transplantation, you’ll come here, and it’ll just be like a blood transfusion. No actual surgery involved, except you will, of course, be put under to get the catheter, but you would be able to go home almost right after you wake up.”

Dan nods his head. It doesn’t sound that bad in his opinion, other than the catheter part. That part might be the worst part, from what he’s getting at.

“But there’s the recovery period.”

Oh. Right. _That_.

Recovery periods are literally Dan’s least favorite thing on the face of the planet. To his doctors and specialists, it’s always an after-thought. Dan remembers to one of his first times getting chemo, back when his grandma would take him on the four-hour long train ride to Manchester because they hadn’t moved yet, and his nurse who was preparing to put the needle in his arm just suddenly remembered that “oh, yeah, you’re probably going to be throwing up a lot after this, so be prepared for that”.

Like, yeah, Dan could’ve easily gotten prepared for that if she had just _let him know beforehand_ , but now he’s worried about what he’s going to end up throwing up because he hadn’t even eaten before this because he was too goddamn nervous.

Yeah, Dan really has something against recovery periods.

“The unfortunate part is that with this procedure, the recovery period takes a long time. If we end up deciding that you need this transplant, Daniel, we’ll explain it more in detail, but for, now I’ll briefly tell you that there is this event called ‘engraftment’ that takes place afterward the transfusion, where your new cells will enter your bloodstream, and then go into the bone marrow. This can, unfortunately, take weeks at a time, and we would have to keep you here until your blood cell count goes up, to make sure there are no complications, and because your immune system will be incredibly weak. Then, even after those few weeks you’ll be staying here, you’ll still be visiting here nearly every day just to make sure that the cells are doing what we need them to do.”

Dan slumps his shoulders. Weeks at a time in the hospital? Yeah, he’s used to it because of his chemo and because of being ill, but holy crap that doesn’t mean he _enjoys it_.

It’s literal _pure torture_ being stuck in the hospital, constantly being poked and prodded, being constantly checked by nurses, having to sleep and spend most of his day lying in an uncomfortable, itchy bed, being forced to eat hospital food, and because it’s a procedure dealing with his blood cells, they’re probably going to be drawing his blood a lot and Dan does _not_ like needles.

Yes, even after having to deal with needles for the whole year he’s had leukemia, he still isn’t used to needles. It’s a thing. Whatever. It happens. Fears of needles are normal.

“But it has a high possibility of helping to move along the remission induction,” the doctor explains. “It’ll be tough, yes, and it probably sounds horrible, but it really could be a huge help with potentially going into remission. So, we’re going to continue to discuss whether or not to do this or a third cycle of chemo, but there is a high possibility that during your summer holiday, we will be doing a bone marrow transplant.”

Dan sighs. This is a thing that his doctor likes to do a lot despite how inconvenient and rather annoying it is: throw a load of information at him all at once, and then just leave him and his family to “think about it”. Like, that’s _way_ too much for Dan to process, especially this close to his exams for A-Levels.

Like, literally, they couldn’t have picked a worse time to spring all this information on to him.

Dan’s ears cloud up as the rest of the appointment continues, and he doesn’t hear anything more that his doctor has to say.  

\--------------------------------------------

“It’s good that we’re finally getting an option for getting you into remission,” his mum says. They’re in the car after the appointment, and she’s about to drop Dan off at Phil’s house. Dan was planning on studying for his exams while he was over there, but he’s sure he won’t be able to focus on anything while he’s over there, and not just because he’ll be with his boyfriend the entire time. But now because he has his treatment options to consider.

He gets that it’s a turning point in his movement towards getting put into remission, but it’s scary to think about not only being put in the hospital for weeks after having this treatment done, but also what could happen because of it. Side-effects, how his body reacts to having someone else’s stem cells get put into him, all these different variables. It’s scary, getting put on a new treatment.

And yeah, he should be used to it all by now, considering how often he changed chemo treatments during his first cycle, but it’s scary still. There are so many things that can happen.

He just always thinks back to how awful he felt for a majority of his first cycle. How sick he got, how often all he could do was lie in bed and hope that his stomach wouldn’t be disrupted when he took his medications. It was an absolute fucking nightmare. And if that’s potentially how he’s going to be spending his summer holiday, then he’s definitely not going to be very happy.

And, yeah, it’s never really about his feelings as the patient. Even though it might just be easier for him to get the chemo again (which is still terrible in and of itself but sounds a hell of a lot better than whatever the transplant will end up involving), he can’t just go with it because it’s the easy way. It’s always about what’s best for his cancer. But whatever.

He nods his head and rests his nose against the window, watching the other cars drive by. They’re passing by his school right now, and he lets out a tired sigh. Of course they had to tell him about this just a few weeks prior to testing. He’s not going to be able to concentrate at all on doing well for his exams.

But whatever. It’s fine.

“You might actually get into remission if this is successful,” she says. She takes a quick glance over at Dan before turning her attention back to the road. “Isn’t that exciting?”

Dan shrugs his shoulders, not really sure how to react. He just kind of wants to crawl into bed and rest. Take his mind away from all this medical crap.

Yeah, he’s not going to be studying when he gets to Phil’s.

More like a 2-hour marathon of _Mario Kart_ , watching Netflix with Phil, and eating enough snacks in order to be put into a food coma. That sounds a lot better to him.

Most things sound a lot better than this right now.

His mum takes another glance over at him when he doesn’t respond. “Are you feeling okay?”

Dan nods his head. “Fine,” he says.

“Not feeling sick or anything?”

Dan shakes his head.

“Not wanting to just go home?”

Dan sighs and fights the urge to close his eyes and ignore everything going on. “I’m fine, mum. Don’t helicopter right now.”

She frowns and takes a few seconds to figure out what to say. “I’m just worried about you.”

“I’m fine. If I didn’t feel well, I would tell you.” That’s not a complete truth, but it’s mostly accurate. Mostly.

He and his mum still have a bit of strain in their relationship. Obviously they’ve started to try and repair it, where Dan’s mum doesn’t constantly force Dan to be away from society and from being a normal teenager and Dan doesn’t keep anything from her, but it’s not quite where Dan wants them to be yet. Obviously it’s going to take time, and Dan is well aware of this notion, but he still wishes that it would be a little bit easier to talk to his mum about things.

He’s still not fully open about it because of just the way she is – she still likes to make decisions without consulting him, she likes assuming things about how he’s feeling, all this random crap that doesn’t allow him to tell her exactly how he’s feeling because she always just assumes before he can confirm.

But they’re getting there. Slowly but surely they are getting there.

“Alright.” She turns down the road that leads to Phil’s neighborhood. “If you’re not feeling well-“

“I’ll let you know.” It’s the same routine every single time.

He highly prefers just going with Phil and walking to his house after school or, hell, even being in the passenger seat while Phil while he’s driving (which is truly an experience in and of itself – he finally got his license just earlier this month after attempting five or six times to pass on his exam). He just gets annoyed whenever he’s riding with his mum.

They ride in silence the rest of the short way to Phil’s house. Without much of a goodbye, Dan climbs out, grabbing his backpack from the backseat and quickly heads up to Phil’s house.

He had texted Phil on his way out of the treatment center that he was coming over, so it is no surprise that Phil opens the front door right when Dan starts making his way up to the front porch.

It’s just a thing they do. At first in their relationship, Dan would knock on the front door, but Kath would always tell him that considering how much time he and Phil spend together, there is no reason why Dan should always feel the need to knock on the door whenever he was coming over. So, she suggested he just waltz in whenever he wanted to, but that would certainly make Dan feel awkward, and of course there’s always the high possibility of the door being locked, so he and Phil just established a system of Dan texting Phil when he’s coming over so Phil can greet him at the door.

“Hey!” Phil greets excitedly, as if they hadn’t just seen each other an hour ago at school. “How was your appointment?”

Dan shrugs his shoulders as he steps into the house. Dan can smell the scent of overly-priced candles burning in the parlor, and he can hear the sounds of Kath baking in the kitchen (apparently she hadn’t finished from last night) and Nigel in the office. He breathes a sigh of relief. There’s just something magical about being in the Lester’s house. He always feels a lot better when he’s with them after a stressful situation.

“It went fine,” he says as he slips off his shoes as Phil closes the door. Phil has already changed into his day clothes, while Dan is still in his uniform, as he didn’t have enough time in-between school and his appointment to change his clothes.

“Just ‘fine’?” Phil questions, confused.

Dan shrugs his shoulders, and Phil takes his hand, leading him up the stairs, taking Dan to his bedroom. Even though they’ve been dating for four months at this point, Phil still makes it a point to lead Dan by the hand to this room. It’s a little thing that he always does. It makes Dan smile nonetheless.

They make it to Phil’s room, and Dan collapses onto Phil’s bed, dropping his backpack onto the floor unceremoniously. Phil laughs at that and sits down beside him. “What’s up?” he asks, looking down at him.

Dan covers his face with his hands tiredly and lets out a sigh. “Just stressed.”

“About what? Exams?”

“I wish that was the only thing I was stressed about,” Dan responds. He turns his head and looks at Phil, who is giving him a concerned expression. This is certainly not what Phil was thinking he and Dan were going to be talking about when he came over.

But, Dan goes through and explains the new situation to Phil, telling him how they’re probably not going to end up doing a third cycle of chemo and that the bone marrow transplant was what his doctor was looking into. He explained what his doctor told him, of course not entirely sure if he was getting all his information correct, but he shared what he knew and left it at that.

“Wait, weeks at a time in the hospital over summer holiday?” Phil questions once Dan finished explaining what he knew.

Dan nods his head. “And probably weeks of seeing doc every day after that.”

“Right before school starts?”

“Probably when school _does_ start, too.” From what Dan could estimate, at least.

Phil sighs and looks off to the side for a few seconds, thinking. “But even though there are all the, like the negative things like being in the hospital for that long,” he says, running a hand through his hair, “it’s still something that could really help out, wouldn’t it? Like…it sounds like it could really do some good things for your AML.”

Dan shrugs his shoulders. He knows Phil is right (he doesn’t like to admit it, but Phil just always knows what to say), but it’s still scary to think about. The chemo, the catheter, the transplant itself, the hospital stay, the recovery afterwards (which, even though the doctor didn’t tell him, Dan is 99 percent sure it’s going to be long and difficult)…it’s scary.

“I know. I’m just being over-dramatic,” he tells Phil.

Phil smiles and reaches over, brushing Dan’s fringe out of his eyes. “It’s normal to be worried about it.”

“It’s just weird. Like…I don’t know. I don’t know too much about it yet, but it’s still…you know.” He shrugs his shoulders, hoping Phil knows what he’s trying to say.

Luckily, he does, and he nods. “It’ll be fine, though. I’m sure. Your doctor wouldn’t just do something that he doesn’t think is going to work.”

“True.”

“So, it’s all going to be fine. Don’t worry too much about it.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “I’ve just got to make it through exams. That’s plenty enough to worry about with that.”

“Of course,” Phil says, laughing. “But I think my mum has some little cakes made in the kitchen. You know…have something before we actually get to business.”

Dan smirks. “Or use your mum as a distraction, claim we’re too tired to study, and then play _Mario Kart_.”

Phil smiles. “You know all my secrets.”

\--------------------------------

The following week, it was confirmed: Dan was going to get the bone marrow transplant instead of going through a third cycle of chemotherapy. His blood cell count, they felt, was far too low for chemo to be enough to help, so the only other option was to do the transplant.

So, he, his dad, and his mum got the long, detailed talk about how it was going to work, unlike the short (but still kind of long) description his doctor gave him last time.

Dan wasn’t really too happy with everything to say the least.

As mentioned before, Dan was going to have his blood drawn soon and after, they were going to take a few weeks to find a donor for the transplant itself. During that time, Dan would have just taken his exams for school.

Normally if people were having a blood transfusion of some kind, they would opt to find a family member with a matching HML type, but surprisingly, Dan learned that having a third-party donor would actually be safer for his cancer. His doctor went into some big scientific explanation for as to why it was safer and healthier, but Dan zoned out through it, to be completely honest. He does a lot when his doctor starts going into scientific explanations of things.

Then, during the summer after they finally found a donor, Dan was going to get his central line catheter, and then have some chemo probably for an entire week before the actual transplant itself.

Then, the transplant would be just like a blood transfusion, as the doctor told him. Dan has not had a blood transfusion before, but according to his doctor, it can take anywhere from minutes to hours, depending on the patient, which really doesn’t help Dan narrow down how it’s going to be.

And then, the recovery.

He’ll be in the hospital for multiple weeks consecutively during this time, stuck in bed while his blood gets drawn every day, he might have the possibility of needing a red blood cell transfusion (but his doctor said that was unlikely for Dan’s case), and he’ll be even more susceptible to infections (if that was even possible, considering Dan’s current state, where if someone hasn’t washed their hands in half an hour and they touch Dan, Dan will probably be coughing the next day…okay, that’s an over-exaggeration, but not too far off from accurate).

And then after, even after he returns home, he’ll be spending most of his time going back to the doctor for check-ups – it could take months before the engraftment fully happens – and if they’ll be able to see if it truly helped with Dan’s AML.

But, for now, Dan has to deal with getting prepared for the transplant.

So, that Saturday morning, bright and early, his grandma took him to get his blood drawn. Afterwards, Phil was going to meet them at a coffee shop nearby to “reward” Dan (but also as something to keep him distracted while he gets his blood drawn).

He’d had his blood drawn before millions and millions of times (okay, that’s an exaggeration, but it certainly feels like it) before because of his AML, but even after how many millions of times he’s had it done, he hasn’t ever gotten used to the feeling of it. He still absolutely despises it.

(But his grandma does always reward him for getting his blood drawn because she knows how much he hates it).

And knowing that when the procedure itself actually happens and Dan is going to end up getting his blood drawn every day doesn’t make Dan feel any better. He’s sure even by the end of that he’s not going to be used to the feeling of having a needle jabbed into his arm.

But it was all going to be fine. This is all for the better of his recovery and all for the sake of getting rid of this damned AML. Once everything gets situated and this procedure goes through and whatever, everything would be fine and hopefully, in time, Dan will be back to his normal, healthy self.

Wow…he doesn’t even remember what that feels like.

\----------------------------------------

 The following few weeks after getting his blood drawn was agonizing for Dan.

Not that he was in pain or felt ill or anything, and not even really because of exams; it was mostly because he was constantly awaiting the phone call from his doctor in which he would learn whether or not they found a donor for the transfusion.

Well…a phone call from his mum telling him what the doctor told her. Same difference, though.

Phil and their group of friends was always a helpful distraction, of course, as they would all get together after school, depending on extracurriculars of course, to study for exams together (which incidentally involved a lot of break-taking, but whatever), and of course Dan and Phil would often get together on their own time if their friends were busy.

Only Phil knew about Dan’s BMT situation. Their friends, obviously, know about Dan’s leukemia and everything, but Dan doesn’t ever share with them things about it in detail, since he doesn’t really enjoy talking about it a whole lot for obvious reasons. He’s comfortable speaking to Phil or his principal or his brother and grandma, but talking about it to his friends isn’t really something Dan has figured out how to do quite yet.

Like, of course if he’s gone because of chemo Phil will inform them of that, and on rare occasions they’ll ask Dan about it, but it’s never like Dan is talking constantly about how treatments are going, how his dosage of meds has changed, et cetera. When he’s at school, all he wants to be thinking about is getting good marks on his exams and what he’s going to be doing after school, so he’s fine with not explaining to them everything about it (plus he’s sure that Caspar and Joe will just think that he’s dying – which he isn’t).

And he is able to only think about school and other things like that most of the time. But ever since this damn BMT thing started happening, which appears to be all he can think about.

His friends do provide a decent amount of distraction, but there’s still that little nagging part in the back of his mind that keeps him from maintaining focus and keeps telling him to constantly check his phone for any word from the doctors.

But once this whole thing was going to get situated and Dan was back to not constantly focusing on his BMT and the process of preparing for said procedure, Dan is sure everything will be just fine.

But for now, he needs to make it through exams and then his procedure.

Hopefully he won’t get too-too anxious and stressed about it, because that would only make this time go by slower.

But, like he said: at least he does have his friends and Phil to be there for him to distract him from all the craziness that is his life. Even if the distraction is as boring and as frustrating as exams (though, as mentioned before, distractions from _that_ happen often as well), it’s still something that keeps him from thinking about the BMT.

There’s just a lot of things that are scary about it: what can go wrong, mostly. But also what can happen if Dan succeeds with recovery. What will that mean for his AML? Does that mean it automatically puts him into remission where he’ll have some intensive treatments and checkups for the next few years of his life? Will he have to go on another cycle of chemo? All these things that Dan has so many questions about but no one really has the answers because this is such a time of unknowns.

And not even just unknowns with his AML and BMT – also with exams. Phil keeps telling him that he’s going to do well and that he’s going to succeed and because of that there’s no way he should be worrying about it, but there’s a nagging part of Dan’s brain that is telling him that he’s probably not going to do as well as he wants.

He has so many plans and ideas for the future that rely on him doing well with his exams – he wants to go to uni with Phil, he wants to study Theater, he wants to move out of Manchester to London, et cetera – so he has to do his best. He has to – and he knows Phil is right and that, based on how his grades have been and how much he has been studying, that everything is going to be just fine.

But of course Dan’s little anxious mind just has to go in there and ruin everything, but it’s all going to be fine. He’s sure of it.

\--------------------------------------

Weeks and weeks consumed by studying and waiting consumed Dan.

Every second he could, he was either checking his phone or had his nose buried in a book.

Time went by slowly, with days dragging on as Dan filled his time with anxiously staring at his phone waiting for a call or by copying down notes and making note cards.

Phil was always there to keep Dan sane, though. During the final week of school, Phil would actually take Dan’s phone away from him during school hours and when they were together afterwards so he wasn’t solely focusing on that. Dan, despite sounding angry when he would get mad at Phil for it, was actually quite thankful that he had someone like Phil looking out for him and making sure he kept his focus on what was truly important at the moment…even though his thoughts always seemed to drift away from school to his BMT at some point.

\--------------------------------------

Exams, in Dan’s opinion, went surprisingly well.

He’s sure his brain was just messing with him leading up to it, as that’s what happens to him quite often, but it _did_ go well. Of course there is going to be the agonizing wait for the actual results on how he did, but now that he has this thing over, the only thing he has left to worry about is his BMT.

Which isn’t much better, but now there’s one less thing on his “To Constantly Worry About and Potentially Get Sick Over” list.

Right after their final exam, Dan, Phil, and their group of friends headed over to Shakeaway to get some shakes to reward themselves for all their hard work finally being done with for the summer holiday, and also to plan a camping trip that Caspar’s aunt and uncle had offered them (since they own a camping site just a little bit out of town).

Just when Dan was getting settled and allowing himself to let loose and let his mind wander to happier topics that didn’t involve his health, he finally got a phone call from his mum (Phil had let him have his phone back now that exams were over), which he decided to take outside of the establishment, Phil of course giving him a concerned expression as he left.

“Hello?” Dan asks, sticking his hand in the pocket of his school pants.

“I’ve got some good news for you, dear!” his mum exclaims, which is quite odd; Dan would never describe her as the kind of person who would exclaim something, even if she was excited.

“What?”

“Well, I’ve just gotten off the phone with your doctor,” she explains, Dan already knowing exactly where this is going, “and he thinks they’ve found a match for them to do your BMT successfully!”

She starts rambling on and on about how they need to make sure Dan would be able to get the BMT (meaning basically every single day of his fucking life leading up to it he’s going to be getting checkups and blood drawn and medications and whatever-the-fuck-else they can think of to torture him), so it probably wouldn’t be happening until mid-summer, but what she’s basically saying is “there’s a ninety-nine percent chance you’re going to get the BMT”.

And see, now at least Dan has finally gotten a basic confirmation that this was going to be happening. But now just the process of preparing, finding out how it’s going to work and what it’s going to do is going to take all the way up until mid-summer. Half of his summer holiday spent probably in hospital being poked and prodded, getting chemo, getting blood drawn, taking even more medications than he already takes, getting a catheter, getting the actual procedure done, and then the period of waiting, which can take three to four weeks.

As if he hasn’t said it enough over the past few weeks: it’s going to be pure torture.

He listens to his mum talk for the next few minutes before she says she has to go back to her work, so they say their goodbyes and end their conversation rather quickly (communication is still difficult with them).

When Dan went back inside the Shakeaway, Phil did not make any moves to try and hide his confusion with what made Dan take so long. Dan just mouthed “I’ll tell you later” to him.

Which he did, later that evening when he went over to Phil’s house with him.

Phil could tell that Dan was obviously quite anxious when he told him (and he was definitely on the verge of tears the entire time so instead of saying anything that might make the situation worse for him, he just held him close in a warm hug, pressing kisses to his forehead and allowing Dan to rest his face in Phil’s shoulder.

Dan might’ve cried a little bit (but only a few tears, he swears), but Phil didn’t care; he just kept him against his chest.

“It’ll be fine,” Phil told him before kissing his ear. “It’s going to be fine, and you’re going to be okay. I love you. Everything is going to be fine.”

They just stayed there for who-knows-how-long, and yeah, there might have bene other things that they could’ve been doing in that time, but really, it was what Dan needed.

It was literally all he needed.

\-------------------------------------------

It took a few weeks before the actual process began for Dan’s BMT.

It was right after the trip to Caspar’s aunt and uncle’s campsite when they began all the check-ups and treatments that were necessary for the transplant to occur.

Of course, Dan had his general check-up, which he’s had approximately a million times since his AML treatment started a year ago. It’s the same routine every time, and Dan basically zones out during all of these kinds of appointments now and just lets the nurses and doctors do their thing.

He had his blood drawn again, just to get a check-up on his blood cells and to get a number before chemo, and, just as they all expected, it was the same – far too low than it should be.

He got a bone marrow biopsy, which he has had earlier on in his treatment, just to get check-up on his bone marrow. They took samples from his sternum, and because he wasn’t put under, he was able to return home right afterwards and recover from the numbness and needle there. Of course Phil was quick to come over to be with Dan after it happened, and he stayed with him while he recovered from that, there to cuddle with Dan and watch reruns of shows in-between naps.

Then, Dan got a weeks’ worth of chemo a week and a half before the procedure was set to happen.

Of course, he’s used to it – sitting in the hospital with a needle in his arm, feeling sick and drunk afterwards, forgetting most of what happened during the actual chemo itself. Luckily, for Dan, he got to go home after each treatment instead of staying at the hospital (which probably would’ve been more convenient, considering they were doing this for a whole week), as his doctor knew that it would be the best for him, considering how long he was going to be in the hospital after the transplant.

His grandma went with him to some of the chemo treatments, where she would sit and do her Sudoku books or knitting while Dan got his chemo, and then she would drive him home, a plate of cookies ready for him once he wasn’t feeling sick. His mum went with him to the other ones, but she would be using the hospital Wi-Fi to do work things.

Afterwards, Dan would lounge in his bed for hours, binge-watching YouTube films and listening to music, and of course, as always, and thankfully, Phil would be over whenever he could to be with him. Some days he couldn’t because of family commitments or other things, but whenever he had free time, he was over at the Howell house to be with Dan.

_“You know, you don’t have to come over here every second you can,” Dan told him one time. They were cuddling on his bed after Dan woke up from a nap (he had accidentally fallen asleep on the car ride back from chemo), Phil running his hand through Dan’s messy hair while Dan was trying not to fall back asleep._

_Phil shrugged his shoulders. “Well, I want to,” he responded._

_“But I’m just lying here like a potato.”_

_“My potato,” Phil responded more as a joke than as an affectionate pet name, bringing Dan closer to him to kiss the side of his head._

_“You’re fucking weird,” Dan replied, though he kissed Phil on the lips after. “But you really don’t have to be here.”_

_“I already told you: I_ want _to be here. Do you not want me to be here?”_

_“I never said that.”_

_“Good, because I’m not leaving.”_

_Phil settled in more closely to Dan and turned his attention back to Dan’s tele, and Dan couldn’t help but smile when Phil wasn’t looking._

Then, soon after chemo, came one of the scariest parts for Dan: he had to get a central line catheter.

He’s seen them before, and every single time, he couldn’t handle looking at it for long. It’s a giant port coming out of someone’s chest – it scares the living shit out of Dan just imagining how it feels and what would happen if he accidentally moved it the wrong way or things like that.

But, he had to get one; it was the easiest way for the BMT to be done.

So, he had to go in for minor surgery two days before his BMT.

Before the surgery, however, his doctor came in to discuss the upcoming transplant, considering he wouldn’t be able to after Dan got the catheter in, considering he would be put under for it and Dan would be confused and unable to understand anything after.

Hs doctor went through for the millionth time how it was going to work (which is always helpful, but Dan has heard about this so many times over the past few months that he’s honestly just wanting to get it done and over with instead of talk about it), but now talked about the prospect of who can be there during the transplant.

He found out that he could have anyone he wanted there while it happened. So, of course, he said his parents (who had taken the day off to be there or him), Addy if he wanted to (he probably wouldn’t want to, but Mum would make him come), and his grandma.

“Am I allowed to have anyone who isn’t family?” he had asked without even thinking about it after he listed off his family members.

“Of course.”

“So…my boyfriend can be here with me?”

His doctor smiled. “Of course.”

That was like a giant sigh of relief for Dan.

And he found out that, despite the fact that his immune system is probably going to be the weakest it has ever been, he will be allowed to have visitors in the hospital during his who-knows-how-long stay. They just might have stricter visiting hours, depending on how Dan is feeling and all the treatment he’s going to be getting to help him recover, but they will be allowed to come in, which does help Dan a lot more as well.

The doctor spoke more about the three-to-four weeks he was going to be in the hospital, but then, shortly thereafter, it was time to start the procedure for the catheter.

Dan doesn’t remember much from it; all he remembers is having an IV put in to his arm, then being asked to count down from 100, 96 being the last number he remembers saying out loud.

He also cannot recall much from what happened after the procedure, other than he felt a lot of pressure in his chest, he couldn’t really keep his eyes open for that long because all he wanted to do was go to sleep, and apparently he kept saying “I’m confused” to every question asked.

But, for those two days before the transplant, he spent most of his time in bed, sleeping or cuddling with Phil while watching shows he has seen a million times before, but it definitely was necessary, considering how out of it he was because of the anesthetics and because of how much discomfort he had because of his catheter.

But, Phil ended up staying over with Dan at the Howell house the night before Dan’s transplant – it actually happened accidentally, as it just got too late as they lost track of time doing _things_ that they wouldn’t be able to do for another three-to-four weeks while Dan was in hospital (and _things_ they probably shouldn’t be doing while Dan has a giant catheter in his chest, but whatever; they’re teenagers and they’re allowed to do this kind of thing sometimes).

But that next morning, it was finally time.

They all went to the hospital in the early hours of the morning, as they had decided on the earliest time in order to just get it done and over with. They had Dan’s bags packed and ready, and it was time for Dan to say goodbye to his house for the next few weeks.

He got in right away, getting a normal check-up before, followed by him getting put into his hospital gown and getting placed into his room, his family and Phil with him during that time. Dan instructed Phil to sit beside him on one side to hold his hand in case he got nervous (but in all actuality for the entirety of the time), while his family was on the other side (Addy did end up coming, but he was on his phone or DS the entire time, not that Dan blames him at all; plus, his mum was on her phone, his dad was apparently waiting for a call the entire time, and his grandma brought her knitting to do).

Within a few minutes after getting put into his room and after getting a few more check-ups, the transplant was ready to begin. They inserted the tubes into the sockets of the catheter, the blood bag attached to a pole beside the bed. Without much time passing by after that, the transfusion began.

It felt weird, and Dan certainly felt really uncomfortable, but having Phil right there beside him to hold his hand and honestly just _be_ there with him was enough to make him feel significantly better. Sure, they couldn’t really talk to each other that much because Dan’s family was right there and would’ve been able to hear everything they would talk about, but it was enough just to have him there, holding his hand and whisper to him sometimes.

Sure, Dan felt incredibly terrible that Phil had basically been wasting most of his summer holiday to be with Dan while he went through this, but as selfish as it might sound, he is so fucking thankful that he has someone like Phil to be there for him when he’s going through life-changing events, such as this.

Phil squeezes Dan’s hand and smiles around three minutes into the transplant. “How does it feel?”

Dan adjusts his position slightly to be more comfortable as he looks over at Phil. “Weird,” he answers quietly. “But to be expected, I guess.”

Phil chuckles and sticks out his tongue from between his teeth. “But it’s finally happening, yeah?”

Dan nods. “Yeah. Hopefully it’ll fix my shitty immune system.”

“Language, Daniel,” his mum says from the other side of the bed.

Dan and Phil both snicker and grin at each other. After a few seconds of just smiling at each other like dorks (which they are), Phil glances behind Dan to see the other people in the room. When he sees that they aren’t paying attention, he quickly turns his attention back to Dan by lifting up the hand he is holding, bringing it to his lips, and kissing it.

Dan blushes. “You’re such an idiot.”

Phil shrugs his shoulders.

The transfusion took around an hour to happen, but when it did finally end, Dan instantly felt drowsy, so he went to sleep to rest up from the changes his body went through during that past hour. But, despite how uncomfortable and how weird he felt from the transfusion, he felt at ease knowing that when he would wake up, he would have his family and Phil there when he woke up.

The evening following the transfusion involved a lot of visits from his doctor and his nurse, receiving medications, and trying not to feel sick. He didn’t feel as bad as he does after chemo, but it certainly wasn’t enjoyable. Luckily he never actually got sick, but he did feel rather uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, his family and Phil weren’t allowed to stay for the rest of the night, so Dan had to give them all quick goodbyes (and a slightly awkward kiss to Phil in front of his parents, grandma, and brother) until he was able to see them again tomorrow.

Thus commenced the weeks in the hospital.

Every single day, in the mornings before they were to go to work and the evenings when they got off work, Dan’s parents would stop by to check up on him. Later in the mornings, Dan’s grandma would stop by and sit with him, and sometimes Adrian would be with her. But every single day in the afternoon, always right after Dan got his blood drawn, Phil would come over and be with him.

They would either sit and talk for hours, or they would just sit in comfortable silence while watching the tele or something of the sorts. But either way, it was always Dan’s favorite part of the day (which of course sounds really cheesy, but Dan is allowed to say that considering he’s in the hospital).

It was really funny the first time Phil walked in the day after the transfusion.

Since Dan’s immune system was so low, any of Dan’s visitors were instructed to wear a mask over their mouths, and, if Dan wasn’t feeling well, a pair of gloves (if he was feeling fine, all they would have to do was wash their hands and/or put on hand sanitizer).

So, when Phil came in with his mask on, Dan found it quite hilarious.

_“That mask really suits you,” he said jokingly as Phil comes in, his hands in his pockets and the mask covering his mouth._

_Dan noticed a slight pinkish tint appear on Phil’s cheeks. “Does it? I think I’m going to start a new trend.”_

_Dan laughed and motioned for Phil to come over to his bedside. Phil did, taking a seat on the chair Dan’s grandmother had sat in earlier when she had stopped by. Instead of making any move to hold Dan’s hand or something of the sort, Phil just sat down, his hands folded in his lap._

_Dan laughed at his awkwardness. “Dude, why do you look so nervous?” he asked._

_Phil stared at him for a few seconds, and then awkwardly shrugged his shoulders. “Well…if I’m being honest-“_

_“Which I would hope you would be.”_

_“-my first instinct was to kiss you, but I have to keep the mask on, so I don’t know if I’m allowed to take it off, or if I have to kiss you through the mask.”_

_Dan deadpanned at Phil’s seriousness over being confused with such a stupid question. “Really?”_

_“What?”_

_Dan snickered. “Phil, oh my God, seriously?”_

_“It’s a genuine concern I have!” he exclaimed, shrugging his shoulders._

_Dan rolled his eyes. “I’m not fucking kissing you through a damn mask, you dingbat. Do you really think I would do that, even if you had to keep the fucking mask on? Get over here.”_

_Without even waiting for Phil, he grabs him by the collar of his shirt with one hand and brings him over, using his other hand to pull down the mask before pressing his lips against Phil’s._

 Visits like that continued throughout the weeks. Of course, in between visits, Dan would have his blood drawn to be tested, he would have consultations with his doctor, and if he was feeling well enough, he was able to walk around his hospital room in order to keep himself mobile (occasionally he was able to walk around the hallways, but not until the last week of Dan’s stay in the hospital).

And, to Dan’s surprise, his friends visited one day.

Well, they could only come into the room in pairs so there wasn’t a higher risk of infecting Dan, but they visited.

Phil of course had to inform them why Dan had been completely absent, so he explained to them what happened, and of course they all wanted to come visit him in hospital to see him and wish him good luck with his recovery from the procedure.

Louise had gotten Dan balloons (despite the fact that he had been in the hospital for a little less than a week at that point), and PJ had jokingly gotten Dan an “It’s a Girl” teddy bear from the gift shop. All the others had fun stories and conversations with him, which was really all Dan wanted.  

They weren’t allowed to stay for long, as they had come at a time right before Dan was going to have his blood drawn (and because literally their entire group of friends was there, including some of them that Dan doesn’t really talk to that much), but it was nice to be able to see his friends.

_“Did you tell them to come?” Dan asked Phil later that evening, a few hours after their friends left and after he got his blood drawn. Phil had to do some work for his dad today, so he hadn’t gone with their friend group to see Dan._

_“Oh, did they stop by?” Phil questioned._

_Dan nodded his head. “It was nice.”_

_“Good!” Phil exclaimed. “And to answer your question, no I didn’t tell them to come.”_

_Dan raised an eyebrow._

_“I really didn’t!” Phil retorted. “I promise! They were just wondering where you’d been, so I told them you were in the hospital because of a procedure you had, and they were worried about you, so they asked if you were allowed to have visitors.” Phil smiled. “So, I mean, indirectly I told them to come, but I didn’t…you know.”_

_Dan grinned. “Well…thank you.”_

_“I really didn’t do anything. You don’t need to thank me,” Phil replied, sticking his tongue out at Dan._

_Dan does the same thing to him. “Whatever.”_

They all visited twice more before Dan was finally let out of the hospital, which was certainly nice.

Because, even though he doesn’t tell these friends too much about his situation with his AML and everything, it’s still nice to know that they care enough to come visit him in the hospital a few times when they know he really needs it. So, it was really nice. And needed.

\-----------------------------------------

Dan was (finally) discharged around three-and-a-half weeks after his transfusion. Every single day after around a week after the transfusion, his blood cell count started going up slowly but surely. And for a week consecutively, Dan hadn’t needed people to wear gloves when they visited him, meaning he had been feeling better and side-effects had stopped occurring.

So, they let him go on his way, which was literally like a breath of fresh air (literally because Dan hadn’t been outside since his transfusion).

His mum and dad picked him up the morning he was discharged and took him home. The instant Dan was home, he got into his pyjamas and slept in his bed for the first time in nearly four weeks. He thinks he slept for around five hours before his parents had to wake him up so he could take his meds and eat.

This was all only a week before school was to go back into session, but the headmaster had given Dan permission to stay home for as long as he needed without any warnings or marks on his grades and with a three-week extension on whatever homework assignments he was given, considering he was still recovering and might not be physically able to do homework some days (or have time because of treatments and consultations).

Of course, because Phil wasn’t allowed to be his tutor anymore, Louise and PJ would trade off bringing Dan’s homework to him (Phil would always be “conveniently” with them, of course) during the first week-and-a-half of school, in which Dan spent his time at home and also at the doctor’s office.

Following that time, however, Dan started going for half-days, usually having to leave early so he could go see his doctor. But eventually, he was finally able to attend schools for full days at a time.

Of course there were some jokes thrown around – “oh, look, Dan’s risen from the dead” or “wow, we thought you transferred; we had no idea you still went here”, but Dan was just glad he didn’t have to deal with being in the hospital anymore.

Well…he still had to go daily, but from what he knew, the transfusion was doing its job and his blood cell count was going up. Perhaps it was actually working, and maybe this would end up making some huge progress in Dan’s recovery.

So, even though it was kind of a torturous experience, Dan wouldn’t trade it for the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my tumblr for any updates on this series (@phananddragonsfics) and feel free to request any ideas for fics! 
> 
> (and come back on friday for another fic! :D)


	3. we've made it this far, kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: hospitals, mentions of medical procedures, mentions of sickness/vomiting
> 
> Summary: For once in this entire ordeal that Dan had been through, something was finally working. / AKA the story of Dan’s remission
> 
> Title comes from "Migraine" by Twenty One Pilots

Dan knew when he got his bone marrow transplant that there was a high chance that his leukemia was going to go away rather quickly. It’s what his doctor told him, of course; it’s why they were doing it, to try and get rid of the leukemia in a timely manner because it had taken honestly _way_ too long for Dan to go through his first cycle of chemotherapy (in all reality, it was meant to only take a month, but took several for Dan’s case).

It wasn’t going to go away like a miracle, of course, because medicine hasn’t advanced that far yet (unfortunately; Dan really hoped that at this point _something_ would’ve been figured out to get it done quickly), but he knew that the BMT was almost like a final chance at getting rid of this cancer as fast and as easily as possible.

Well, it was easy for the actual procedure to be done.

The time afterwards was basically like torture.

The three and a half weeks he spent in the hospital getting his blood drawn every day, having to go to his normal doctor every day once he was let back home until he was cleared (but then still had to stay home a lot, considering his immune system was still repairing itself), and then just tons and tons of check-ups once the school year started, his final year of secondary school before he would go off to university happening all at the same time (and the load of work and studying he had to make up)…it was all intense, but it seemed pretty early on that this BMT had really done wonders to Dan’s immune system and blood cell count.

Sure, during the engraftment period, which was the time when he was in the hospital right after the procedure, it had been rough and there wasn’t much growth except a little towards the end (which was what made his doctor release him from the prison they had made for him), but as if by magic, right after he was let out and once he was back home and he had his visits every day, his WBC count was spiking and the blast counts were going down.

It was working.

For once in this entire ordeal that Dan had been through, something was _finally_ working.

It was like Dan’s body had finally gotten its shit together and had decided it was high-time for it to put Dan out of his misery and return to normal, considering he hadn’t felt “normal” (at least health-wise) in a long time.

It was really, really weird. But also, of course, really exciting.

He just started feeling a lot better; he didn’t get sick that often, he didn’t have to stay home as much, he was able to do a lot more, he felt more like himself, everything. Everything was just drastically changing, all for the better, of course.

He wasn’t drowsy or tired all the time. He found himself not having to rely on medications for everything. His weird bruises that were caused by his BMT that were on his arms were going away, his mood was improving, and his over-all health was getting better…

_“Wow, Dan, you’ve successfully gone to school for a whole three weeks without having to miss any day,” Caspar said sarcastically one time during lunch, right as Dan sat down at their usual table that was situated towards the back of the cafeteria._

_Dan laughed and shook his head as he took his spot next to Phil, who was busily recapping information for a test he had next period. “Wow, who knew I had it in me to actually come to school for a long duration of time?” he asked sarcastically, placing a loose arm around Phil’s middle. Phil smiled up at him._

_“I knew you did,” he said, of course causing Dan to blush profusely, like what always seemed to happen with these two._

_This prompted PJ, Caspar, and Joe to all gag. “Ew; get your romance out of the lunch room,” PJ told them. “I was just about to start eating, and now you’ve made me sick to my stomach. Thanks-a-fucking-lot.”_

_“Aw, leave them be,” Louise said, hitting PJ lightly on the back of his head as she approached the table with her lunch tray in her hands. “They’re fine.” She turned and smiled at Dan as she sat down beside PJ. “And I knew you had it in you, too.”_

_“You’re too nice to them, Lou,” Joe replied, shaking his head._

_Dan and Phil just laughed._

And around two months after Dan’s BMT, they got the exciting news: he was going into remission.

He was in remission.

The cancer was _basically_ out of his system...for the most part.

 But still: it was like a call from the Heavens.

They found out when his doctor had Dan come in for what he referred to as an “emergency consultation”, which literally scared the living shit out of Dan, as his mum texted him that while he was at school, and that obviously ended up worrying the shit out of Phil, but they found out it was just to surprise Dan with the fact that he was in remission (instead of something scary like needing a new form of treatment or something of the sort).

But no; when they went, his doctor didn’t even do a general check-up on him; he just brought into his office and sat down, his doctor pulling out papers with Dan’s blood cell count and other general health information. He smiled at Dan, began talking about a lot of science-y stuff that Dan still has yet to understand, and then finally informed Dan that he was now in remission because his blood cell count was high enough for him to be able to move onto the next stage in recovering.

Hearing the words “you’re in the remission stage” was something that Dan didn’t expect to hear when he went in; he knew he felt better, and he knew that because of the BMT that he was probably going to end up going into remission, but actually _hearing the words_ and knowing that they were real and not some sort of joke was something that brought on this weird feeling of surprise and shock, and it was almost unexpected.

Dear God, it was like music to his ears; he never thought he was going to be able to hear those words.

Because, yeah, even though AML is a very treatable form of leukemia that doesn’t typically cause a lot of deaths (with, of course, a few exceptions such as with elderly, who actually get diagnosed with AML far more than someone of Dan’s age – AML is actually kind of rare in people of Dan’s age who get diagnosed with leukemia), Dan still had a rough start to finding right treatment that helped him.

He constantly thinks back to his first cycle and how miserable he was the entire time. None of the treatments or medications or chemo was working, he was getting weaker and weaker, and then throw in the issues he and Phil briefly had towards the end, and that just makes for a really rough start to the road to recovery.

It was tough. It really was, and Dan definitely didn’t really try to make it better for himself, and he knows that, but it really just was one of the hardest things he had ever been through in his entire life.

He knows there are people out there who have it way worse than he did. He knows that definitely – he sees it every time he walks into that damned hospital. It breaks his heart.

But he is still allowed to say that he had a really rough start to his recovery. Because he did. The amount of different treatments they put his body through is unimaginable. But they were trying their best to find something that would work – but none of it ever seemed to, until, by some miracle, they finally found something.

And then after that, it was like smooth sailing. He made it through his first cycle without any issues once they found that treatment. Then, he was actually able to have nearly a full month off from chemo, where he got a blood transfusion and also starred as Peter Pan in his school’s production. He finally got to return to his dream of acting and being in theater.

Then, he had a months’ worth of chemo right after. Every few days, he would come in for his dosage of chemo, and it was the easiest chemo treatment he could ever imagine. Sure, it sucked having to have a needle jammed into your arm, it sucks being insanely ill afterwards, it sucks missing two days of school a week, and it sucked because he was losing hair again, and it sucked because at the same time as all of this, he was meant to be studying for exams.

There were negatives. But at least he didn’t have to go through what he did during his first cycle.

And now, look at where he is: in remission.

But that doesn’t mean it’s all over.

He still has things he needs to go through in order to stay _in_ remission, because if they were to just say “you’re clear, good to go, be on your way”, there would literally be a near one-hundred percent chance Dan would come back within a month saying he had symptoms again.

So, they of course need to make sure the cancer is out of his system.

Which of course means…you guessed it: _more chemo_!

But at this point, Dan is definitely not complaining. He would take _anything_ to not ever have to deal with this damn cancer ever again.

So, the chemo was more spaced out this time, done over the span of nearly three months, but every few weeks, Dan would be in the hospital for a day, getting his chemo. It was obviously very high-dosage, just to be safe and make sure the cancer stayed away.

Which, in turn, meant Dan kind of got ill…a lot.

But this time, not ill because of AML, but ill because of the treatment, which was always going to happen, no matter how many kinds of medications they gave him to counteract symptoms. So it was kind of a win-lose situation, but a win-lose situation Dan was willing to take in order to become a normal, healthy human.

It was hard and tough, considering he felt significantly worse than before they started this treatment, but it was all worth it. That’s what he kept trying to tell himself: it was all going to be worth it in the end.

All the times he was throwing up after the chemo, the amount of medication he had to take in order to be a functioning human being, the amount of time during the day that he just wasted lying in bed and sleeping, the amount of school he lost, homework he had to make, everything was all going to be worth it in the end. He just had to keep saying that over and over.

And of course Phil was always there to remind him of it.

_“You’re going to be fine once this is all over,” Phil told him. They were in the bathroom at Dan’s house, and Dan was kneeling in front of the toilet after having just gotten sick. Phil was there with him, rubbing his back and keeping him comfortable; he had just stopped by after school._

_Dan’s parents were still at work, Adrian was working with a friend on a school project, and Dan’s grandma was doing something for her church, so Dan had been home alone, sleeping since his grandma dropped him off a few hours ago after chemo._

_Luckily Phil showed up right when Dan woke up from a nap that was meant to distract him from how ill he was feeling…which didn’t work well, considering where he is now._

_Phil reached up to the counter and grabbed a hand towel that was folded next to the tap. With one hand, as the other was currently holding Dan upright, he unfolded it, turned on the tap, and ran the rag under the water. Once it was damp, he brought it over and gently tapped it onto Dan’s forehead and cheeks to keep him cooled down, because without even checking Dan’s temperature, he could tell Dan was over-heating with an intense fever._

_“I’m sorry,” Dan whispered, closing his eyes tightly._

_Phil shook his head. “Don’t be sorry. This is all normal. This is all fine. Don’t worry about it.”_

_“No, I mean…” he coughs a few times, “…sorry for…yeah.”_

_Phil luckily knew instantly what Dan was trying to say, as if by magic. “I want to be here to help you, Dan. I know you think you’re being a burden, but you’re not. I want to be here for you. I want to help you feel better in any way that I can, alright?”_

_Dan would’ve nodded his head at that point, but he felt like any movement he would’ve made would’ve made him throw up, and he was trying to keep himself from doing just that, considering it’d been about a minute since he’d last thrown up anything._

_“This is all going to be fine,” Phil said, setting the rag aside. He brushed Dan’s fringe aside so that it wasn’t sticking to his forehead. “This is all fine. You’re going to be fine. This will all be over soon. You’ve just got to get better, okay? Then everything is going to be fine.”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“You won’t be feeling like this soon, okay? Soon it’ll all be over. But you’ve just got to make it through this, okay?”_

_Dan tightened his closed eyes. He bit his bottom lip in silence for a few moments. “Okay,” he said eventually._

Chemo for remission lasted for a generous number of weeks, but luckily to where he didn’t have to go every single week, but never ceasing to make Dan feel like crap afterwards. But, soon enough, after around two months of going to chemo every few weeks, they decided that it was enough.

So, shortly after the chemo treatment ended, he would come into the doctor’s office nearly every day to get his blood drawn for testing, just to be sure everything was going fine.

Despite how many times Dan has had his blood drawn over the course of his time with AML, Dan has yet to get used to the feeling. He’s had his blood drawn probably close to a few hundred times since he was diagnosed, but he still hates the feeling.

But, he had to go through it nearly every day to see the progress that the chemo was doing.   

And the day he found out was truly something Dan will never forget.

He had a surprise doctor’s appointment after school that his mum randomly texted him about during school, which he figured was for another blood test that hadn’t been scheduled.

Phil was going to drive them (Dan still hadn’t had a chance to get his license since treatments were in the way of everything – he was waiting until treatments slowed down…or at least until he thought treatments were _just_ slowing down), since they were going to hang out afterwards and study for exams together and probably hang out with their friends later that night.

Phil had gone with Dan a few times before to get his blood drawn on the occurrences when either one of Dan’s parents or grandma couldn’t, so it wasn’t like it was anything new for him, and it just seemed convenient to have Phil take him, considering they were hanging out after school.

So, after school, Phil took Dan over to the hospital, where they were led in right away, only not to the exam room, but to the office…quickly finding out that Dan’s parents, grandma, and brother were all in his doctor’s office, waiting in chairs with their hands in their laps and with looks that seemed like they were trying to hold back smiles.

His doctor was sitting there at his desk, a big grin on his face and a few sheets of paper laid out in front of him.

He and Phil obviously felt very concerned.

Without even a chance for Dan to ask anything about what was going on, his doctor just jumped straight into it, not even warning Dan or Phil about anything that was happening.

“Dan, after reviewing your blood test samples from over the past few weeks and checking the blood cell count and the blast count,” his doctor said, “I can safely claim to you now that you are cancer-free.”

Dan’s eyes went as wide as they possibly could. He didn’t even know that it was possible for his eyes to become that wide. But they did. And his jaw literally dropped to the floor as well. He was just in complete and total shock – a feeling of adrenaline rushing through his body for a solid few seconds. For what felt like forever, Dan just stood there in shock, unsure if he had heard his doctor correctly.

_You are cancer-free. You are cancer-free. You are cancer-free_.

Was he making that up? Was he hallucinating? That couldn’t be true.

But based on the grins of his doctor and family and the shocked look Phil had on his face, Dan could only guess that it had been true.

He didn’t know what to do except hug Phil as tightly as he could, probably close to cutting off circulation, eventually going around and hugging his entire family as well as his doctor, who had basically become like family to him over the past one-and-a-half years of cancer.

But that’s no more. He’s out. He’s free.

It was like the entire world was let off his shoulders and he could finally breathe again. He was technically a cancer survivor. He didn’t have AML anymore. That wasn’t a part of him anymore. He didn’t have cancer anymore.

He wasn’t going to get sick as often (hopefully; his immune system was obviously still fragile from everything it had gone through), he didn’t have to miss so much school, he wouldn’t have chemo every fucking week, he wouldn’t be tired, the bald patches were going to be gone in a few months when his hair finally grew back.

Everything was going to be back to normal.

(Well, he was still going to have to see his doctor during these next few months, but at least he wasn’t going to be stuck in a hospital with needles in his arms and blood being taken out of him).

Dan is unashamed to say he cried when he realized this, standing in the doctor’s office, looking over his test results. Tears streamed down his face like a fucking waterfall, which caused him to lunge for Phil for a hug once again (not that Phil minded of course, as it honestly looked like Phil was about to start bawling as well).

But dear goodness, he had finally made it.

He had finally made it. He never thought this was ever going to happen. He never did – he thought a cure was just some distant thing that was never going to happen to him.

But look at where he is now.

And he couldn’t be happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> be sure to leave a comment or some kudos! it motivates me to keep writing :)
> 
> and stop by my tumblr for other fics (i write A LOT of parent!phan) and if you have any requests for this series!
> 
> Thank you for reading! :D


	4. climbing up the tree of life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: It’s that time of year when students are applying for universities to attend after secondary school. Normally this would be an exciting time, but at the moment, Dan is having a crisis: he wants to go to university with Phil, but his parents have other ideas. He needs to tell them what he really wants to do before it’s too late. (Requested by anon on Tumblr)
> 
> Title comes from "God Save Our Young Blood" by Borns feat. Lana Del Rey

School was hard, stressful, and basically the bane of Dan’s entire existence.

Yes, despite the fact that he has gone through the trials of leukemia, chemotherapy, having a bone marrow transplant, and going into remission, he can safely say that school is the literal bane of his existence.

(He’s mainly saying that because he doesn’t have to deal with cancer anymore…fingers crossed that all the treatments for keeping him in remission and cancer-free keep working).

But not just school and exams in general: he means… _university._

Like, “hey, go and do something with your life and become a useful member of society by furthering your education, you twat”, to be frank.

Now, Dan of course is more than ready to be done with secondary school and his A-Levels. He’s pretty sure every person currently his age agrees with him: school fucking _sucks_.

But with having to leave secondary school behind means going to university.

Well, at least to his parents that’s what it is. The whole “you definitely need to get an education and do something useful with your life” is what they’re going for. Wanting him to go to Manchester Uni so he’s close by and able to get treated if anything goes wrong, they want him to choose a course that will help him to be successful human being.

_“Manchester University is a wonderful school, Daniel,” his mum had told him one evening while they were washing dishes together after dinner. “It’s close by so you can see us and Grandma, in case you need treatments, and you can have somewhere to come to if you need a break from your roommate!”_

_Dan restrains himself from saying “what if I_ want _to get away from here” and just nods his head._

_“Something like law would be nice, or maybe you could go into nursing! Have you ever thought about that? You could work in the hospital where you had your treatments!”_

_Dan restrains himself from saying “what if I want to do something different” or “I never want to be in a hospital ever again” and just shrugs._

_“Oh, this is just going to be so wonderful for you, Daniel. The best few years of your life, huh?”_

(Yeah, even though he and his mum have been trying to work out their issues over the past few months, there’s still that barrier between them that makes communication difficult).

But then, after three or four years of uni, maybe a gap year somewhere in there when Dan inevitably has an existential crisis and realizes that perhaps what he is doing isn’t exactly what he wants to do or whatever, he’ll have to become an adult, get a job, and then his life just fast-tracks from there until he inevitably dies of stress from having to pay bills and get a mortgage on his house.

Well, let’s hope he’ll live a little longer than that. And hope that he actually figures out how to pay bills and get a mortgage, because he’s not even entirely sure he knows what a mortgage is.

(And yet, here he is, having to take exams over English, history, French, having to write and perform a monologue for his drama exam, whatever-the-fuck-else; why can’t Dan learn something useful, like how to be an adult 101).

Yeah, his final, _final_ exams of secondary school are literally five months away, and then he’ll have a few years of uni, but that’s all going to fly by quickly. Or, at least, that’s what everyone tells him.

People seem to have a lot to say about this topic.

Whatever; he’s not really looking forward to all of this.

Dan lets out a sigh as he pushes open the large doors that lead into the library. It’s his free period, so he’s choosing to procrastinate from writing a paper for English and finishing an art project by hanging out in the library hopefully to take a nap.

However, when he gets to his and Phil’s little cubby area behind the bookshelves, he sees Phil planted there, on his laptop, clearly having other ideas for how he’s spending his free period.

Dan walks over to Phil and kicks his foot to get his attention. Phil looks up from his screen to see Dan, and instead of frowning at him for kicking him, he smiles.

“Wow, you’re actually working during study hall? Who are you, an intellectual?” Dan jokes as he drops his backpack to the floor, falling unceremoniously after it.

Phil laughs and shakes his head. “You know, doing your work on time can actually be _really_ beneficial so you’re not calling me at midnight the day it’s due trying to convince me to help you.”

Dan rolls his eyes and rests his head on Phil’s shoulder. “I’m what they call a ‘procrastinating workaholic’, thank you very much, so I need _someone_ to keep me sane while I work on something until my wrists break off the day it’s due.”

“More like you’ve just earned more of a reason for me to block your number,” Phil replies, sticking his tongue out at Dan.

“You love it when I call you begging for help.”

“Not when I’m trying to sleep.”

Dan rolls his eyes and looks over at Phil’s computer screen. He gets a little concerned when he sees that he is on the University of York page.

Dan and Phil have, obviously, as mention previously, discussed a lot about uni and what is going to happen once secondary school is over. Phil knew right away what he was going into: he was going to go to Uni of York for English Language and Linguistics.

Well, Phil _originally_ wanted to do Film and Television Production so he could be a director, but he’s realized that perhaps that goal is a bit far-fetched, and he’d maybe be better off doing something else.

Dan tried to convince him to stay with Film and Television, since he would excel greatly at being a director in the future, but Phil, because he’s so fucking _stubborn_ , said no; he was going to take English Language and Linguistics, since his best subject in school was English language.

He’d still make short films as a hobby, but he (apparently) just wasn’t sure if it was cut out for him to have as a career.

Which, to some extent, Dan can understand, but he’s still upset that Phil didn’t do Film and Television Production.

But the thing is: Dan never officially told his parents that he and Phil were thinking about going to York for university. Dan’s parents think he is going to Manchester to study something like law or nursing, when in all actuality, Dan’s plans are to go to Uni of York with Phil, but study Theater.

He’s still not yet entirely sure what he’ll do with it – he’d love to be an actor professionally, but as with Phil’s reasons for him not being a director, Dan knows that being an actor isn’t always the most liable, but even if he doesn’t get to do it as a job, he’d still love doing it in his free time.

But if he doesn’t get to be an actor, he thinks he would like to run a drama company, or perhaps do something where at a hospital for children, he can run a drama department so that the kids are able to do something creative to distract them from treatments, because Dan knows for sure that the best way to distract someone going through something as awful as being in a hospital receiving life-saving treatment is to be creative or to do something fun.

He’s not really too sure yet what he wants to do. But something along those lines if everything ends up working out the way he wants it to.

“You’re applying?” Dan asks, looking over at Phil, getting a little worried.

Phil shakes his head. “Early applications aren’t due for another two weeks. I’m just making sure I have all the requirements. I’ll probably be officially applying this weekend.” He looks over at Dan and nudges his side. “Have you applied yet?”

And…yeah, Phil doesn’t exactly know about Dan’s uni problem, either.

Dan is a terrible boyfriend, he knows. He’s already well-aware of that notion. Just sometimes he forgets to mention things that may-or-may-not have significant importance to not only his academic future, but also his romantic future.

Because, yeah, Dan really wants to go to uni with Phil so that they can be together. But if Dan goes to Manchester, that means they’re an hour and a half away by car and nearly three hours apart via train (which would most likely be their preferred mode of transportation to get together).

Like, that’s not as far away from each other as some people have to deal with, but it’s still a significant difference in space between them. They wouldn’t be able to see each other every day after class, it wouldn’t just be a short walk away to each other’s dorms, they wouldn’t be able to be like this in between classes where they hang out in the library and force the other to procrastinate by watching RIP Vine compilations and having make-out sessions under the precaution that the librarian is literally a few meters away from them.

It’d be having to call, text, or Skype as means of all communication, only being able to see each other occasionally on weekends (because Lord knows they’re going to be broke uni students who probably don’t have too much money to pay for train tickets while also having to be worried about whether or not they have enough money to buy groceries and other necessities), and definitely on holidays, but even then, they’ll mostly be occupied by their own families, so it’d be like they would only get to see each other every now and again during break, whereas if they had been going to the same uni, able to see each other every day, it wouldn’t be that much of a problem, considering they had been with each other the whole previous term.

But this all brings up another point that has just been nibbling at the back of Dan’s brain, one thought that he kicks himself in the shins for because his mind had come up with this possibility that he really, really, _really_ doesn’t want to think about: the status of his and Phil’s relationship.

Now, obviously, he and Phil are very happy in their relationship; they’ve been together for a year, they’ve been going strong, and Dan really does feel that perhaps Phil is the love of his life.

But that voice in the back of his head sometimes makes him question some things.

Obviously Dan loves Phil more than just about anything in the entire world; he’s always happiest whenever he is around him, he feels loved, comfortable, secure, whatever else; that’s cheesy, yes, but it’s how he feels.

But there’s the thing that people always say: teenage relationships don’t last.

Everyone is like “oh, it’s just puppy love” or “they don’t know what love is” when they think of high school relationships. It’s rare to hear something positive regarding a relationship between teenagers.

Dan’s friends have all been through various romances throughout their time in secondary school; Dan was very, very briefly with one or two girls before he had his first serious relationship with Claire, Phil was very, very briefly with a few guys before he had his first serious relationship with Charlie. Hell, one of Dan’s cousins had been with the same guy since they were fourteen, lasted all the way through secondary school, and then suddenly broke up during their first year of uni when they went to separate schools.

Rarely can Dan think of a positive instance of a high school romance.

And that worries him a bit.

Sure, he and Phil are extremely happy, Dan is absolutely in love with Phil and Phil tells Dan he loves him every single day in various ways, but that can all quickly change once they’re out of the safe exterior that is secondary school, especially if they end up going to separate unis.

What happened with Dan’s cousin was she didn’t want to be tied down in a relationship while going to a separate uni – basically so she could hook up with whomever she wanted and didn’t have the weight of someone else on her shoulders.

Now, Dan knows that Phil wouldn’t just drop him for that reason (though, in Dan’s honest opinion, it’s a pretty liable reason for breaking up – better to not risk having to deal with cheaters and guilt) – Phil isn’t the kind of person who would want to spend his first year at uni partying or hooking up with whoever and whatever else, but there’s still that whole “being tied down” thing.

Especially if they end up going to separate unis.

Perhaps having to maintain a relationship would be too much for a first year uni student. Course load is going to be crazy, making friends and having social interaction is going to be a massive part of trying to make uni a good experience, having no free time because of all of this…Dan wouldn’t be surprised if it just didn’t end up working out. Dan knows that’s one of the main reasons why people who have been dating during secondary school break up when they go to uni.

Maintaining a long-distance relationship while also being a first year uni student would definitely be difficult because of lack of time. If Dan and Phil had to go days apart without speaking to each other, Dan is sure he would go absolutely crazy.

And lack of constant communication can lead to a downfall in a relationship.

And that scares Dan.

He doesn’t _want_ to breakup with Phil; of course he doesn’t! He’s never been happier in a relationship, he loves Phil (and he’s sure it’s not just puppy love or whatever-the-fuck; he feels like he truly, truly _loves_ him), and he wants to be with him for as long as he can.

But if they end up going to different universities, will that lead Phil to think differently from Dan about the situation? Now that they wouldn’t be together nearly every single day like normal?

Dan really doesn’t want that to happen. But with best-chance uni applications being due in just a few weeks, with exams getting closer with every second, and with all the stories and things he’s heard, he’s a little terrified for the state of their relationship.

“Uh…no,” Dan finally responds to Phil’s question, shaking his head. He clears his throat. “Um…yeah, haven’t gotten around to it, you know…with the play and school and everything.” He shrugs. He’s technically telling the truth, what with having assignments and essays constantly due, performing in the school’s production of _Alice in Wonderland_ , having to go to the doctor around every week for a checkup…yeah, it’s perfectly plausible why Dan has completely forgotten about uni apps.

“Well…we can apply together this weekend!” Phil suggests. “That way we’re not going completely crazy trying to figure it out on our own.”

Dan smiles and chuckles slightly awkwardly, and he mentally kicks himself in the shins for it. “Yeah, yeah, that’d be great,” he says, reaching over to shut Phil’s laptop. “But…let’s ignore all this uni stuff for now; it’s giving me a headache.”

Phil instantly looks concerned. “Are you alright?” he asks, reaching over to feel Dan’s forehead with his wrist.

Dan takes Phil’s arm away from his head and holds it in his hands. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” And, for extra measure, he leans over and kisses Phil’s lips, feeling a little bit of the anxiety get swept away as he does so…though he’s still fucking terrified.

\------------------------------------

Phil had techie stuff to do after school, and Dan was off from rehearsals for the day. Normally Dan would stay after with him, but Phil was going to be training some new techies with PJ, meaning Dan probably wasn’t going to be allowed to follow Phil around like he really wanted to, so Dan opted to go home instead.

His mum was there when he entered the house, and she was seated at the dining table with her reading glasses on, typing away on her laptop. “No one was in at the office today, so I decided to just come home and work instead!” she explained when Dan gave her a confused look.

“How was your day at school?” she calls when Dan goes into the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. He had intended on just doing that before escaping up to his room to do homework (or play video games, whichever one ended up happening first).

“It was fine,” he responds casually.

“Have you filled out that Manchester application yet?” she asks, completely skipping any talk of what Dan did at school, how his friends or boyfriend were doing, whatever else she could’ve asked. Like Dan mentioned: she and him still have their communication issues. But they’re working on them.

If only Dan actually felt confident enough in himself to ask her about York.

“Not yet,” Dan answers.

Despite them not being in the same room, Dan bets she shakes her head disappointedly. “That’s due in less than two weeks if you want to have a better chance of getting in, Daniel. We don’t want to have you apply somewhere else if you don’t want to go there.”

Well, he really _doesn’t_ want to go there, but apparently he doesn’t have a say in that.

And of course she goes and pulls the “Daniel” card. Dan literally despises that more than anything in the entire world. “I’ll get it sent in.”

“Good on you, Dan. Let me know when you’ve done it.”

“Yeah,” Dan hums as he briskly walks out of the kitchen and heads up to his bedroom, closing the door tightly behind him.

Instead of doing homework or playing video games, he actually finds himself typing in the web address for University of Manchester in his web browser.

It loads up, all the writings and pictures loading up on his screen. He goes to the courses catalogue.

He scrolls down until he finds “law”, and he clicks on it. He scrolls through it, clicking on different pages and reading about it.

_You are interested in learning about how legal systems shape our society  
You are looking for opportunities to study aboard and experience the impact of law around the world You want to develop transferable skills through collaboration with national law firms and societies_

Dan shakes his head. He’s really not at all.

Dan shakes his head and closes out of the page. He goes to some of the various nursing courses’ pages. His brain begins to hurt just reading about all the requirements, all the classes he will have to take, and the unlikelihood of him being chosen to be a part of the nursing program.

Then, he goes back to the courses page.

He types in theater…but nothing comes up.

They don’t even have a damn theater course.

He scrolls up and down the list – no theater course. They have film, yes, but that’s not what Dan is looking for. That’s not what he wants to study.

So, he goes to a page bookmarked on his web browser: the University of York page for Dan’s wanted course of Theater.

_Theatre is one of our most ancient and enduring forms of art. From the Ancient Greeks to today, theatre’s unique engagement with the audience and ever-changing liveness make it the most exciting way to reflect society, challenge our preconceptions and entertain us night after night. This undergraduate degree draws the key roles of director, performer and playwright together, in order to provide you with an in-depth knowledge of theatre practice, and the skills you’ll need to succeed in any area of the industry._

This is exactly what Dan wants.

Even though he and Phil have read this page over dozens and dozens of times, Dan finds himself reading it again. It’s what he wants to do – do something with his passion instead of being forced to do something he doesn’t want to do, like law or nursing.

He wants to do theater for the rest of his life. It’s something he’s passionate about and that he can see himself being really successful with.

But he’s just not brave enough to let people know.

He sees the application button off to the side of the page. He hovers his mouse over it, tempted to click on it.

But he doesn’t.

He closes out of the page.

\-------------------------------------------

He avoids talking about uni for the rest of the week; luckily Phil just doesn’t talk about it, but he avoids conversation with his mum by either shrugging his shoulders constantly or by claiming he can’t talk about it because he has homework, which wasn’t always a lie, but wasn’t always the truth, because he would either actually do homework, distract himself with video games or YouTube, or just lie in the middle of his bed in the midst of a crisis within himself, just trying to figure out what it is he should do.

Because of course he desperately wants to go to uni with Phil. That is his dream; they would be a little ways from home to where his mum couldn’t visit him every weekend and Dan could finally have some independence in his life, Dan and Phil could still be able to maintain their relationship easily, _and_ Dan would have the option to study his dream course.

It’s just the ideal option.

But his mum has decent reasons for wanting him to go to Manchester: if Dan had issues with his health or perhaps his cancer, worst case-scenario, relapsed, then his doctor would be right there in town. If he needed some place to go, his grandma or, hell, even his parents and brother were right there, and he could go over to their places. Plus, he knows the town so it wouldn’t be completely new.

But it would be good for him to go somewhere different. And he wouldn’t have to risk running into people from secondary school. And his parents couldn’t visit every day. And he’d have a lot more independence. And he wouldn’t be two-to-three hours away from Phil and wouldn’t get to see him that often which might end in a breakup.

And Manchester doesn’t offer a Theater course, which is Dan’s dream field of study.

And York is also probably going to have Phil.

So, really, it’s quite obvious what the “right” answer is.

But it’s still hard for him to fully come to terms with what it is that he should do. Should he do what he wants to do to make himself happy but let down his parents, or should he do what would make his parents proud, what would make for probably way easier chances of getting a job straight out of uni, but what makes him unhappy?

Because, obviously, he wants to be happy, but he also does want to make his parents proud. What child doesn’t want to make their parents proud of them?

And with this situation, there just doesn’t really seem to be a perfect middle. Dan really doesn’t know how he can make it out of this situation with both parties happy.

“It looks like something’s bothering you,” Phil tells Dan. It’s Friday evening, and they’re hanging out in the techie booth during play rehearsals. Phil is trying to get the mics’ volumes sorted out, as they’re going to be adding them into rehearsals in the following days. Dan isn’t on for the scenes they are currently running, so he decided to head up to the techie booth at the back to work on homework while hanging out with Phil during the time that he’s not required to be on stage.  

However, as he has been quite a lot recently, he can’t seem to stay focused on his homework and seems to be taking quite a lot of interest in zoning out into space.

Well, not interest, per se, but more like he can’t help but zone out because that is where his brain is at.

Dan blinks a few times before he shrugs his shoulders in response to Phil’s statement.

“Tough assignment?” Phil questions, looking over at Dan with a smile.

Dan looks up at him, bringing his feet up with him into the chair. He shrugs again, not really sure what else to do.

He knows he should be talking to Phil about this. That’s one of the many reasons why Phil is there for Dan – to listen to him and to help him through anything that he’s struggling with.

So he should really have told Phil the second this situation arose. That’s what a good boyfriend would have done – let his partner be aware of things that are bothering him.

So, he lets out a long sigh, shakes his head, and closes his Literature text book, setting it down on the floor with his backpack. “There’s something I haven’t really been telling you about,” he says, leaning his head against his hand.

This statement, as Dan suspected, completely confused and concerned Phil. He instantly turned away from the sound board and looked over at Dan. “Huh?” he asks.

Dan nods his head.

“What…what’s this about?” Phil asks, sounding incredibly nervous, which definitely makes Dan feel like the worst boyfriend on the face of the planet, but at least he is finally telling Phil about his concerns regarding this issue. Phil swivels his chair around more to see Dan better. Dan scoots his chair closer so that he can hold onto Phil’s hands.

“Um…it’s about uni,” he says.

“Uni?” Phil responds. “What about it? Are you not going to uni?”

“Of course I’m going,” Dan says, rolling his eyes, though quickly reverting back to seriousness afterwards. “But…” He slumps his shoulders. “I’m just not…not sure _where_.”

Phil furrows his eyebrows, but he doesn’t say anything. It’s one of Phil’s idiosyncrasies that Dan sometimes loves and sometimes hates. He loves it sometimes when he just needs to vent and speak his mind without being interrupted, but sometimes he hates it when he just wants Phil to say something to break up from going down this trail in his head that could lead to negative thoughts.

He’s not sure which one of these times this is.

“I know we said we were going to try to go to York together,” Dan continues, “so that we can get away from Manchester and so that I can study Theater and you can do your Language and Linguistics stuff. And I really want to do that with you, but…but…I…I never told my parents about that plan. They…they think that I’m going to Manchester to study law or nursing.”

Phil nods his head, but he still doesn’t say anything. So, Dan continues talking about his issues.

“And…they want me to go to Manchester just so that I can be close to them but also close to my AML doctor just in case anything goes wrong,” Dan explains. “Like…just in case I relapse or something like that. If something goes wrong, which I completely understand, because I know that it’s completely possible, and it’s been brought up, and…I don’t know…but…but I don’t want to go to Manchester because then I wouldn’t get to study theater like I want to, then I wouldn’t be with you, and you might want to break up with me because we’ll be far apart, and you won’t want to be tied down in a relationship with someone who is a few hours away or whatever, and I just…I just really don’t know what to do, Phil, and it’s stressing me out.”

Phil shakes his head. “Whoa, whoa, okay, that’s a lot, so let’s take this one step at a time,” he says, taking a few seconds to process all the information Dan gave him. “Okay…you want to go to York, but your parents want you to go to Manchester.”

Dan nods his head.

“But if you go to Manchester, you would study either law or nursing.”

“They don’t have a theater program. And just in general, my mum wants me to do either law or nursing.”

“Okay…and your parents want you to go to Manchester because family and your doctor.”

“Which is plausible.”

“But you think we’re going to break up if we go to separate schools.”

Dan doesn’t say anything, but his ears and cheeks turn bright red, instantly embarrassed that he even brought up that part of his concerns.

Phil nods his head. “Okay…well…”

“I’m sorry for not telling you about this.”

Phil shakes his head and squeezes Dan’s hands securely to comfort him. “You were worried. I understand,” he replies. “This is a stressful situation and you wanted to figure it out on your own. And you’ve clearly been thinking about this for quite some time.”

“But you deserved to know.”

“This is about you, Dan, not me.”

“But our relationship…”

Phil shakes his head. “Uni is about you, Dan. It’s all about what _you_ want to do because it’s _your_ course and _your_ life. You do what you think is going to make you happy.” He sighs and looks off to the side. “And your talk about us breaking up just because we’ll be far apart if you go to Manchester is absolutely absurd.”

Dan shrugs his shoulders. “You know what people say…high school relationships never last.”

“Not _all_ ,” Phil corrects him. “Not all. Yeah, some people break up when they go to uni, but that’s just because they want to be able to hook up with whoever they want whenever they want and not have to worry about having a partner somewhere else.”

“Yeah, but it’s also lack of communication.”

“Who says we’re going to have a lack of communication?” Phil questions, almost laughing at the thought of them not talking as much. “Dan, if we’re going to separate unis, you’d better be sure that I’m going to be calling you or Skyping you every night for, like, six hours.”

Dan can’t help but smile at that and at Phil’s stubbornness to get him to understand what would happen in the (unfortunate) circumstance of them going to separate universities potentially.

“But this is all _if_ I decide to go to Manchester.”

“And what are some pros to you going to Manchester?” Phil asks. “What would make you want to go there?”

Dan shrugs his shoulders meekly. “Make my parents happy.”

“This isn’t their decision to make; it’s yours, so that doesn’t count.” Dan looks down at the floor, trying to think of anything to say. When Dan doesn’t say anything for a few moments, Phil laughs a little, squeezing Dan’s hands again. “Okay, what about York? What are some pros to going to York?”

Dan lets out a long sigh. “Theater program, being somewhat away from my parents so I can have independence, being with you, not being with the same people from our school here in Manchester.”

“Okay, and any cons?”

“AML doctor is a few hours away.” He shrugs his shoulders. “But by the time we’ll be going to uni, I won’t have to go see him every day, so it’s not like I would have to come back down to Man for any appointments. Just in case anything goes wrong.”

“Okay, and any others?”

“Not being able to see my grandma every day. Which…I mean, she knows how Skype works, so it’s not like I would be completely devoid of contact. And she would send cookies and gifts in the post.”

“Any others?”

“Not seeing Addy, but I know he would be really annoyed if I decided to stay in town. And I would get annoyed, too.”

Phil chuckles. “Okay. Others?”

Dan pauses. “Not that I can think of.”

“And do you really, really want to go to York? Is that the one _you_ , Daniel James Howell, want to go to?”

Dan smiles and Phil’s faux-stern look, which causes him to almost break his serious exterior. Dan leans over and leans his forehead against Phil’s. “Yes,” he answers.

Phil chuckles and kisses Dan’s lips briefly. Dan grins, but it quickly turns to a frown. “But how do I tell my parents that?” he asks.

“Just be up-front and honest with them,” Phil answers. “Sit them down and talk them through what you’ve told me right now. Explain to them your problems with going to Manchester and tell them why you would rather go to York. They’ll understand if you explain yourself.”

Dan doesn’t seem too sure of that response. “Will they?”

Phil nods his head. “I’m sure they will. This is all about _your_ future. Just tell them that.” He kisses Dan’s nose and smiles. “I can be there with you if you need me to be.”

Dan smiles. Of course Phil always seems to know what to say when Dan is struggling. It’s like some magical power that he has. “I think I’ll do it on my own.”

“Perfect,” Phil responds. He kisses Dan’s forehead. “Thank you for telling me this, Dan. I’m sorry if I ever pushed York on you or if I didn’t stop to think about your feelings about the whole uni situation.”

Dan shakes his head. “You didn’t. I wanted to go to York ever since that first time we talked about it. I’ve just never gotten the courage to tell my parents, so I just let it go on for too long.”

“It’s a stressful situation, but thank you for telling me.”

Dan smiles. “Thank you for listening to me. I love you.”

“Love you more.”

“Love you most, you spork,” Dan replies. “But you should probably get back to what you were doing.”

“And you should probably finish that assignment.” He gestures with his head to the closed book that he put on the ground.

Dan laughs and rests his head against Phil’s shoulder, closing his eyes. “Yeah, right.”

\-------------------------------------

Later that evening, after leaving from drama rehearsals, before dinner was set on the table, Dan went to the living room in his house, finding his mum on the couch watching the tele and his dad in an armchair on his laptop, typing away at an email.

Dan nervously cleared his throat to get their attention, leaning against the wall as if it was there for moral support.

“Yes, dear?” his mum asks, not looking away from the screen.

“Um…can I talk to you guys about something?” he asks. “It’s…it’s kind of important.”

“What’s it about?” his mum questions, reaching over to the armrest to pick up the remote controller. She turns down the volume on the tele, but she doesn’t put it on mute like Dan had hoped she would do. His dad also hasn’t looked up from his laptop, but he has stopped typing for now, but Dan isn’t entirely sure if it’s because he’s reading something or if he’s listening.

“Um…uni,” Dan says nervously, taking a seat on an armchair near the entrance of the living room, right across from his dad.

This gets his parents to look away from their screens. “What about it?” his dad asks, pushing up his glasses so they’re higher on his nose.

Dan clears his throat. “Um…nothing serious.”

“Are you taking a gap year?” his mom suggests.

Dan shakes his head.

“Are you not going to meet a requirement for Manchester?”

“No, I’m fine-“

“Have you been studying?”

“Yes, but this is something not as serious as you might think it is,” Dan says. “It’s…it’s not something you guys are probably thinking of.”

“What is it, Daniel?” his dad asks, taking off his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose with his pointer finger and thumb, as if he has a headache and Dan chose the wrong time to do this.

But if he doesn’t do this now, he’ll talk himself out of doing it later, no matter how much Phil pep-talks him.

Maybe he should’ve had Phil do this with him. That probably would’ve made things a lot easier.

But he can do this on his own. It’s fine.

He just might have to have a long call with Phil before dinner (no matter what the outcome of this is).

“Um…so you guys want me to go to Uni of Manchester…to study law or nursing. But…” Dan looks off to the side. “…um…I’m not really sure if that’s…if that’s what I want to do.”

Dan then goes into explaining everything that he talked to Phil about regarding uni – how he wants to study Theater, how Manchester doesn’t offer that but York does, and then all the pros that he would have going to York. He knows he sounds really nervous and anxious while explaining it, but luckily, his parents decide to remain silent and let Dan say what he has to say before they speak up.

“Wait…so you…you don’t want to go to Manchester?” his mum asks.

“No,” Dan responds. “I never did.”

“Do you not want to go to uni at all?”

“I didn’t say that,” Dan responds.

His mum looks even more confused. “Wait…so…what is this? You just… _don’t_ want to go to Manchester?”

“I never said I wanted to. I never wanted to go to Manchester, but Phil and I have been talking about going to York for much longer than when you guys started mentioning Man. So…I want to go to York…a-and…and study Theater.”

His parents stare at him.

“Wait…Theater?” his mum asks, clearly confused by the thought, as she scrunches up her nose.

Dan lets out a shaky breath and nods his head. “I never wanted to do law or nursing. I’m not interested in something like that. I’m more interested in Theater.”

He stares at his parents as they take a few moments to process the information Dan has just given them. They look over at each other for a few moments before turning their attention back to Dan.

“Okay…so let’s get this straight,” his dad says. “You want to go to York.”

Dan nods his head.  

“And you want to study Theater?” his dad asks.

Dan nods his head. “I really do.”

“What would you even do with that?” his dad questions. “We know you like acting, but that’s not really a good career choice, is it?”

“I want to maybe run my own theater, direct and run plays, maybe do something for sick kids in a hospital by giving them a theater department so that they can spend time doing something creative in-between treatments. Just something with drama.”

“Is that liable?”

“I think it is,” Dan answers. “And it would be something I would enjoy doing. I wouldn’t enjoy doing nursing or law – those aren’t things I’m interested in, and I probably wouldn’t do that well in the subjects I would have to study.” He shrugs his shoulders. “I know they’re more reasonable career options, but I really, really have a passion for drama. You guys know that.”

“As a career?”

Dan nods his head. “I can make it work. I promise you guys I can.”

His mum sighs. “But what about treatments? You should be in Manchester for that.”

“I won’t need to see doc by the time school comes around,” Dan explains. “And if you’re really that worried, I can look up and see if there are any blood cancer specialists in York, or I can ask my current doctor if he has any recommendations for people up there if that would make you feel better.”

His mum and dad turn to each other, having a silent conversation. Dan anxiously bites the bottom of his lip and also taps one of his fists against his knee, nervous habits he’s had since he was a little kid and has never successfully been able to break.

After a few moments of silence, they turn back to him. “Is this really something you want to do?” his dad asks.

Dan lets out a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding and nods his head. “Yes. It really is.”

“And you’ll work hard to pursue your goals and you won’t let grades dwindle just because you’re with your boyfriend? You won’t waste your time partying instead of studying?”

“Of course not,” Dan says, shaking his head. “Education is my number-one priority.”

His dad nods his head. “Then we will let you apply for Uni of York.”

Dan lets out a sigh of relief and smiles widely. He gets up from his seat and goes over to his mum to hug her, followed by his dad. “Thank you guys so much.”

“Just don’t let this opportunity go to waste. This is serious.”

“I know. Thank you so much.”

\-----------------------------

And that weekend, Dan and Phil together sent in their applications for Uni of York. They ended up finding out a few months later, soon before their exams, that they had both been accepted to their respective courses for York without a need for an interview or anything of the sort.

It was a breath of fresh air and the beginning of a whole new chapter in their lives, and Dan couldn’t be happier about it.


End file.
